Primarily, it is an economical necessity for the family until your graduate finds the right job.

Although this idea may not be what was anticipated prior to graduation; the current economic downturn has prompted parents to be practical and realistic.

Although returning home may be a financial necessity, it doesn’t have to viewed negatively, or as a step backwards.

However, coming home does require some re-negotiating of various house hold issues; whether it pertains to helping to care for the house, sharing a car,  or if younger siblings are still living in the house, being available to assist.

But is also requires respecting each other’s need for privacy, leisure time, and his or her social life.

Hopefully, the twenty-something young adult who is returning home is far more mature and independent today.

If you have done your job well-enough, your graduate should appreciate all that you have given and is grateful to return to a loving home during this period of uncertainty, disappointment or transition.

Coming home may be the best option for your graduate now, despite your young adult imagining it’s the worst.

If you can stay present-focused, offer advice when asked, plus acknowledge feelings (without trying to take over or tell your young adult what he or she should or shouldn’t do) in regards to his or her career and/or personal choices, then your college graduate will gain an invaluable life lesson from you.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

However, the purpose of this blog is to help parents respond to their son or daughter if he or she asks questions about this horrible event.  Depending upon developmental age and stage of your child, your response will vary. Without getting into specifics at this point, what is most important is to be keenly aware of your child’s reaction.  This will help you  know what to say.  Along with paying attention to your child’s question, try and be mindful of his or her non verbal communications, which includes voice tone (anxiety, curiosity, or fear), body language, and/or behavior (such as waking up in the middle of the night due to having a nightmare.)

Your child could surprise you by raising a  thoughtful or poignant question, wondering aloud why did did such a this happen? Or, could I die playing (fill in the blank) sports?    Younger children will insert themselves in the question, whereas older children are better able to shift perspectives and reveal their thoughts and feelings about the terrible event.  Still, it is helpful if you can enable your youngster to see the differences between what is probable vs. what is actually possible (for example, lightening may strike, but the possibility of it striking you is considerably smaller).  The main emphasis at this point will be to answer your child’s question simply, directly, and honestly.

Just remember, if you child starts asking you about this tragic incident, focus on your child’s feelings first, (be it anxious, scared, or sad) before answering his or her question directly; because comforting  and soothing should take precedent.  Hearing frightening news an be very scary.   Your child needs your reassurance in order to feel his or her world is a safe place.   By alleviating your child’s fears, you have given your child what is most important, and that is the sense of felt emotinal security.