Sure, there are numerous necessary expenditures that must be met, whether it involves extra school supplies, new clothing or uniforms, as well as signing up for extracurricular activities or another year of day care.

These bills quickly add up whether you are a two-or one-income family. So, such pressures are understandable. Some of these expenditures will fall under the heading of a “need” while others fall under the heading of a “want”.

Knowing how to prioritize and balance both often requires some juggling.

But, if you find yourself fretting or becoming more irritable worrying about the mounting expenses, take heart. Chances are, you are not alone.

However, you do need to realize your mindset can affect your heath as well as your day to day interactions with your family.

If so, do yourself a favor, step back, and take a personal time out so you can stop and see the bigger picture.

As a parent it’s natural to show your love by providing your children with what you can — whether it’s that new pair of Nike’s, the trendy backpack, or adding that extra  activity so your son or daughter feels a sense of belonging with his or her peers.

However, if feelings of anxiety, guilt, or regret start driving your behavior, then your negative feelings are interfering with your best intentions and your parenting could suffer.

It’s better to be honest with yourself because it won’t be beneficial to you or your children if you take on more than you are physically, emotionally, or financially able to do.

If such thoughts or feelings resonate inside of you, do yourself a favor: don’t dismiss your feelings to yourself or your family.

You can say what needs to be said with consideration but also empathy.  Be true to yourself, otherwise you are headed down a slippery slope that gets steeper as your children get older and the years go by.

You can expect your child to balk as that would be normal. But, also your youngsters is hearing you respond to his or her feelings of hurt, anger, or disappointment.

Having one’s feelings acknowledged plus being heard is very important and should not be overlooked.  While your children may not appreciate it at the moment, you are doing what is necessary.

You are helping your children cope with frustration and disappointment by not ignoring what is being expressed through words or actions.  Not getting what one wants is a life experiences that every child undergoes.

Hopefully, over time your youngsters will learn you are not going to succumb to whining, temper tantrums, or angry and hurtful words.

This is also another invaluable life lesson; especially if they’ve be able to manipulate you in the past.

Additionally, teaching your youngsters to respect you and your word is critically important, although it likely won’t be grasped every time.

Expect many discussions over the years.

Certainly, you will have to weather the slingshots of insensitive, mean-spirited, and upsetting words.

As long as you do your best to reply in a consistent but also realistic way, you will be building a solid foundation that will not be eroded.  In fact, sometimes saying “no” is the most loving response you can make.

If this situation doesn’t improve over time, my advice would be to seek professional to help you keep control of yourself as well as successfully guide your children.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http:www.facebook.comDrAndreaCorn

Dr. Andrea Corn is a licensed family psychotherapist …

The past eighteen years, your life has revolved around your child/ren, so this inevitable change and adjustment may be initially difficult.

Do give yourself some time, especially if you are missing the parental role you’ve played for years.

However, it is important to realize that this separation is a necessary phase in your child’s development toward independence and adulthood.

Every parent has to undergo this necessary loss, whether your child heads off to college in or out of state, or begins community college nearby.

Part of being a parent is accepting each phase of development.

Hopefully, through the course of raising your child, you have given your son or daughter the tools to become increasingly self-sufficient and self-reliant.

Think about these years as transitional ones; times when your college student will rely on your words as well as shun your good advice.  You’ll still receive those phone calls, texts, or emails asking for guidance, advice, and possibly extra money!

These are the years your almost-to-be adult is engaged in higher learning but also gaining valuable life lessons through friendships, relationships, and independent decisions.

Now, let’s now transition to helping you cope with this change. Be careful not to let your sadness or loneliness pull you down or distract you from re-discovering new interests, prior hobbies, or volunteering.

It doesn’t matter what you choose as long as you enjoy your decision.  Carpooling, running errands, and going to high school functions may be ending, but what can be starting is a new lease on life for yourself.

The choices are plentiful, so it could be hard to make up your mind.  Some adults make a career change, mentor, or enjoy learning and sign up for adult education classes. These times can be very rewarding, if you allow yourself to view them positively.

But, if you find yourself unable to see the opportunities that exist several weeks later, and are still very sad and no one or nothing can lift your spirits, I recommend seeking professional help.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Hearing reports about tropical storms brewing out in the Atlantic that potentially could become the next hurricane can lodge in a child’s mind and exacerbate his or her fears.

Here are some thoughts on how you may help your child during the hurricane season in South Florida.

Young children’s fears often arise when information heard is abstract and therefore, not fully understood.

Children are very eager to learn about the world around them, but they need help to make sense of the information presented.

Children under the age of eight often cannot grasp complex concepts.

Thus, hearing about a tropical storm thousands of miles away that has the potential to change into a hurricane is beyond his or her cognitive ability.

Your child may know what it’s like to be in a thunderstorm, but that does not fully explain the power of a hurricane.

Moreover, your child may be thinking about this event in very personal terms; wondering could these strong winds and pounding rain could personally affect his or her immediate surrounding and family.

It your find your child asking the same questions over and over without satisfaction, chances are your youngster is anxious. In that case, it would be best to first reassure and comfort your child before providing factual answers.

It’s not the question that causes his or her worry, rather it is the unspoken thoughts or feelings that are disturbing.  It would be best to acknowledge your child’s apprehension and let them know it is ok.

By reassuring your child, you are actually reducing his or her fear by speaking about its presence. Ironically, talking about what is scary can actually bring relief.

But, if you find your child is still uneasy, then you need to find out if something else is weighing on your child’s mind.   Otherwise, it may just take a little longer than anticipated for the worry to dissipate.

Some children may remain anxious because they’ve picked up some verbal or nonverbal cues from their mother or father.

Besides letting your child know you will do everything necessary to protect your home, townhome, condo, or apt. paying attention to your youngster’s non-verbal communication is critically important.

And, if you can relay your words in soothing way without getting exasperated, this too will help create an atmosphere of safety.  Your child needs to know it is ok to share innermost thoughts, feelings, as well as fantasies.

This can also help your child realize there is a difference between what is real and unreal.

One last idea may be to allow your child to participate in simple hurricane preparations.  Letting your child put the peanut butter in the grocery cart, to using a tracking map to physically document the next storm may decrease anxiety and create a greater sense of personal control.

Whether your child fears hurricanes or other weather-related events helping your youngster develop ways to appropriately cope is teaching a valuable life lesson.

There will always be storms we must weather in life, whether actual or metaphorical.

Knowing that it is safe to discuss and share one’s feelings is important.

Once this lesson is learned, the better your child will fare.  A reassuring word, comforting gesture, or hug can make all the difference as you let your child know you are there to comfort and soothe his or her fears which is actually more powerful than you may realize.

For additional information and practical tips, check out Fema’s website: www. fema.gov/kids)

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Who feels it more? Parents or Children?

Sleep away camp is supposed to be a wonderful and fun-filled experience. Yet, some children find the adventure far less enjoyable.

Why? In part, it may depend on how well you have prepared your child for this adventure; especially if this is your child’s first time away from you.

You need to talk with your child about his or her feelings; which includes your child’s excitement and positive feelings but also his or her scared or anxious feelings too.

Most likely, all of them are going on inside your child’s mind.

Sleep away camp is exciting but for younger or first time campers, expect some discomfort attached to going away.

Once your child is away at camp he or she does not have you to rely on; whether to offer a hug, say consoling words, or share a favorite snack.

Chances are, your child will have a wonderful and caring counselor, but it cannot replace your presence.

So, be understanding if your child experiences moments of homesickness.

Going away to camp enables a child to learn about self-reliance and camaraderie in a supportive and structured environment.

Children learn new facets about themselves. They must handle relationships as well as handle conflicts without parental guidance.

Part of this occurs through learning to live among non-family members, plus cooperate with cabin mates by performing chores or playing games they may dislike.

Some parents find it easier to accept this time apart, recalling their own nostalgic childhood memories attending camp.

However, there are other parents who have a harder time accepting their child’s separation for a variety of reasons.

If your child’s departure date is creating discomfort and apprehension for you, be aware your feeling could be misinterpreted in your child’s mind.

If you suspect this, don’t deny or ignore the situation.  Do talk about your feelings; but using age appropriate words.

It is natural to be thinking about how much you will miss your son or daughter because you love them.

But, don’t make them feel as if they are deserting you or that separating is too painful.

Otherwise, this could prompt feelings of guilt and make it harder for your child to feel comfortable leaving, which would defeat the purpose for sending your child away to summer camp.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Today’s pre-teens s are attached at the hip and/or wrist to their cell phones.  Today’s generations of teenagers are skilled and proficient typists.

It is just a guess but in many cases it probably takes less than a minute to tap out a word, perhaps two, or send an entire sentence before the answer flashes across the screen in return.

At the same time these messages are filtered through an electronic device whether that screen is a cell phone or laptop computer.

This additional barrier is how we engage in many conversations.    It is socially acceptable and the norm.  This will not change.

But for those of us you who are parents today, you also know this is a departure from how you grew up and were raised.  There is no history or precedent to fall back on.

So, you are the pioneers with your kids on cell phone etiquette and their respecting you.

So the statement, “it is a different world today raising young children”, has never been more apt or true.

While we are literally a finger tip away from having electronic contact with another, we also need to make sure the message sent was actually heard with its proper intent.  Having a conversation face to face is not the same as typing one out on a keyboard.

What happens when your son or daughter does not reply to your message to return your call? Or, come home? Or, let you know that an errand, task, or chore was completed?

Be careful not to level the playing field in cell phone banter and reduce your authority.

A teen’s cell phone should be a privilege not expected upon reaching a double digit age.    Have you thought about how you will handle such moments?

You need to plan ahead, as it will be up to you to explain, set the rules and then follow through with the appropriate consequence if and when that time occurs.

Till Next Time

Andrea

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

Don’t lose your Cool with your kids

We all look forward to the carefree days of summer.  Children and parents alike welcome the break from the weekly routine of school, extracurricular and other important activities.  And, yet, for some the lack of a definite schedule is unsettling.

Understandably, a change in one’s routine can be anxiety producing.   Whether your child has a set summer routine, such as attending day camp, or if your child remains home under your care; regardless, when the unexpected occurs and disrupts the order in your life how do you cope?

It could be as mundane as a play date falling through, work unexpectedly needing your presence at an inopportune time, or the babysitter letting you down.  When what you expect to happen goes awry and your stress levels keeps rising as you worry about adequately juggling all the demands in your life; can you keep your cool, or do you find your own temperature rising to the point of no return?

If you do lose your cool; don’t ignore or dismiss it. You need to first acknowledge to yourself it happened and it is alright to get frustrated.    If you were raised where feelings were to be ignored, you are likely to dismiss what is happening to yourself.   But, that doesn’t resolve the problems.

In fact, often times, it may even make the situation worse. Moreover, this is the time to undo the past as it will feel both liberating and beneficial.   Yes, you may need to let your family know you momentarily over reacted. As humans we are hard wired to display a range of feelings – including disappointment, annoyance, and anger.  However, the goal is to be able to express these uncomfortable feelings within the spectrum that is appropriate not inappropriate.

Face it, our parents did not have nearly the parenting resources we now have at our fingertips once we connect to the internet. It is natural by default to revert back to what is either familiar or what was witnessed growing up.   However, bad role modeling is not what you want to hold onto and repeat.

Rather, now is the time to learn how to break the pattern so your leisure time can be savored and enjoyed.   Before you know it, summer will be over and so will this opportunity to connect in ways that enable all of you to happily remember for a lifetime.

Till Next Time

Andrea