If you could give yourself one gift, but a gift you cannot purchase in a store, or find in a catalog, or shop for on line, what would you select?

It happens to be a gift everyone possesses, if they chose to look within. 

And, that is the gift of being kind and considerate to yourself. 

 If you can withhold unrealistic self-criticism, negativity, or judgmental thoughts, and instead find a way to be more supportive, reassuring, and empathic, you will have given yourself an incredible present.  

It is the kind of gift that provides comfort and inner security during times of need.

Developing self-acceptance is invaluable for peace of mind and truly becomes a present that keeps on giving….. 

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

 How long is your holiday shopping list this year?  Is it larger than you had hoped for? Are you starting to feel the stress of what lies ahead despite your good intentions of wanting to be generous and thoughtful?   You may have the best intentions and desire to give unselfishly to others; yet if you find yourself feeling frazzled, tense, and worried too much about everyone else, then perhaps you are neglecting your own emotional needs. 

 Certainly, it is a joy to give to others, but don’t forget to find time to take care of yourself as well. 

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Sure, there are numerous necessary expenditures that must be met, whether it involves extra school supplies, new clothing or uniforms, as well as signing up for extracurricular activities or another year of day care.

These bills quickly add up whether you are a two-or one-income family. So, such pressures are understandable. Some of these expenditures will fall under the heading of a “need” while others fall under the heading of a “want”.

Knowing how to prioritize and balance both often requires some juggling.

But, if you find yourself fretting or becoming more irritable worrying about the mounting expenses, take heart. Chances are, you are not alone.

However, you do need to realize your mindset can affect your heath as well as your day to day interactions with your family.

If so, do yourself a favor, step back, and take a personal time out so you can stop and see the bigger picture.

As a parent it’s natural to show your love by providing your children with what you can — whether it’s that new pair of Nike’s, the trendy backpack, or adding that extra  activity so your son or daughter feels a sense of belonging with his or her peers.

However, if feelings of anxiety, guilt, or regret start driving your behavior, then your negative feelings are interfering with your best intentions and your parenting could suffer.

It’s better to be honest with yourself because it won’t be beneficial to you or your children if you take on more than you are physically, emotionally, or financially able to do.

If such thoughts or feelings resonate inside of you, do yourself a favor: don’t dismiss your feelings to yourself or your family.

You can say what needs to be said with consideration but also empathy.  Be true to yourself, otherwise you are headed down a slippery slope that gets steeper as your children get older and the years go by.

You can expect your child to balk as that would be normal. But, also your youngsters is hearing you respond to his or her feelings of hurt, anger, or disappointment.

Having one’s feelings acknowledged plus being heard is very important and should not be overlooked.  While your children may not appreciate it at the moment, you are doing what is necessary.

You are helping your children cope with frustration and disappointment by not ignoring what is being expressed through words or actions.  Not getting what one wants is a life experiences that every child undergoes.

Hopefully, over time your youngsters will learn you are not going to succumb to whining, temper tantrums, or angry and hurtful words.

This is also another invaluable life lesson; especially if they’ve be able to manipulate you in the past.

Additionally, teaching your youngsters to respect you and your word is critically important, although it likely won’t be grasped every time.

Expect many discussions over the years.

Certainly, you will have to weather the slingshots of insensitive, mean-spirited, and upsetting words.

As long as you do your best to reply in a consistent but also realistic way, you will be building a solid foundation that will not be eroded.  In fact, sometimes saying “no” is the most loving response you can make.

If this situation doesn’t improve over time, my advice would be to seek professional to help you keep control of yourself as well as successfully guide your children.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http:www.facebook.comDrAndreaCorn

Dr. Andrea Corn is a licensed family psychotherapist …

The past eighteen years, your life has revolved around your child/ren, so this inevitable change and adjustment may be initially difficult.

Do give yourself some time, especially if you are missing the parental role you’ve played for years.

However, it is important to realize that this separation is a necessary phase in your child’s development toward independence and adulthood.

Every parent has to undergo this necessary loss, whether your child heads off to college in or out of state, or begins community college nearby.

Part of being a parent is accepting each phase of development.

Hopefully, through the course of raising your child, you have given your son or daughter the tools to become increasingly self-sufficient and self-reliant.

Think about these years as transitional ones; times when your college student will rely on your words as well as shun your good advice.  You’ll still receive those phone calls, texts, or emails asking for guidance, advice, and possibly extra money!

These are the years your almost-to-be adult is engaged in higher learning but also gaining valuable life lessons through friendships, relationships, and independent decisions.

Now, let’s now transition to helping you cope with this change. Be careful not to let your sadness or loneliness pull you down or distract you from re-discovering new interests, prior hobbies, or volunteering.

It doesn’t matter what you choose as long as you enjoy your decision.  Carpooling, running errands, and going to high school functions may be ending, but what can be starting is a new lease on life for yourself.

The choices are plentiful, so it could be hard to make up your mind.  Some adults make a career change, mentor, or enjoy learning and sign up for adult education classes. These times can be very rewarding, if you allow yourself to view them positively.

But, if you find yourself unable to see the opportunities that exist several weeks later, and are still very sad and no one or nothing can lift your spirits, I recommend seeking professional help.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Hearing reports about tropical storms brewing out in the Atlantic that potentially could become the next hurricane can lodge in a child’s mind and exacerbate his or her fears.

Here are some thoughts on how you may help your child during the hurricane season in South Florida.

Young children’s fears often arise when information heard is abstract and therefore, not fully understood.

Children are very eager to learn about the world around them, but they need help to make sense of the information presented.

Children under the age of eight often cannot grasp complex concepts.

Thus, hearing about a tropical storm thousands of miles away that has the potential to change into a hurricane is beyond his or her cognitive ability.

Your child may know what it’s like to be in a thunderstorm, but that does not fully explain the power of a hurricane.

Moreover, your child may be thinking about this event in very personal terms; wondering could these strong winds and pounding rain could personally affect his or her immediate surrounding and family.

It your find your child asking the same questions over and over without satisfaction, chances are your youngster is anxious. In that case, it would be best to first reassure and comfort your child before providing factual answers.

It’s not the question that causes his or her worry, rather it is the unspoken thoughts or feelings that are disturbing.  It would be best to acknowledge your child’s apprehension and let them know it is ok.

By reassuring your child, you are actually reducing his or her fear by speaking about its presence. Ironically, talking about what is scary can actually bring relief.

But, if you find your child is still uneasy, then you need to find out if something else is weighing on your child’s mind.   Otherwise, it may just take a little longer than anticipated for the worry to dissipate.

Some children may remain anxious because they’ve picked up some verbal or nonverbal cues from their mother or father.

Besides letting your child know you will do everything necessary to protect your home, townhome, condo, or apt. paying attention to your youngster’s non-verbal communication is critically important.

And, if you can relay your words in soothing way without getting exasperated, this too will help create an atmosphere of safety.  Your child needs to know it is ok to share innermost thoughts, feelings, as well as fantasies.

This can also help your child realize there is a difference between what is real and unreal.

One last idea may be to allow your child to participate in simple hurricane preparations.  Letting your child put the peanut butter in the grocery cart, to using a tracking map to physically document the next storm may decrease anxiety and create a greater sense of personal control.

Whether your child fears hurricanes or other weather-related events helping your youngster develop ways to appropriately cope is teaching a valuable life lesson.

There will always be storms we must weather in life, whether actual or metaphorical.

Knowing that it is safe to discuss and share one’s feelings is important.

Once this lesson is learned, the better your child will fare.  A reassuring word, comforting gesture, or hug can make all the difference as you let your child know you are there to comfort and soothe his or her fears which is actually more powerful than you may realize.

For additional information and practical tips, check out Fema’s website: www. fema.gov/kids)

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Dear Concerned,

Before I get into the heart of your letter, I would like to compliment you first, by pointing out a positive aspect of your letter.

Based on your question it appears you and your ex husband have been able to co-parent rather well; putting aside painful personal feelings from the past and acting in the best interest of your children. Being able to accomplish that is commendable, as it is not always easy to do.

Psychologically, one of the most damaging consequences for children of divorce is witnessing ongoing parental conflict.  This only creates misunderstandings, confusion, loyalty conflicts, plus resentment, anger, feelings of sadness and loss.

Additionally, when erratic and unpredictable parental relationships start to occur, it negatively impacts a child’s well-being, self-esteem, plus peer and other relationships.

Of course, your worry and concern is understandable. But, it would help to learn how to calm yourself down and not let such thoughts and feelings get the best of you. Remember, nothing is going to change immediately.

I caution you to stay in the here and now and be present focused rather than imagine worst case scenarios. This is important.

Your ex-husband has stated his plan which is to commute.  So far; he has been a reliable and consistent presence in your children’s lives.

And, that is important to remember. It’s way too soon to know whether this job is so demanding that it requires him to relocate.

If your anxiety persists, perhaps you may want to explore with a therapist what is fueling your fears.  I only wish to point out how excessive worrying hurts your emotional or mental well-being.

If would be preferable to put your energies into working on yourself and figuring out ways to ease your distress rather than put significant time, money, and energy into preventing an outcome that may never come to pass.

Understandably, you goal is to ensure your children’s stability and security, but at the same time, be careful you don’t unnecessarily cause them worry either.

Most children are well aware of any changes noted in their parent’s behavior or communications.  If either of your children sense discomfort or apprehension on your part, chances are, whether spoken or unspoken it will affect them too.

And, if your children withhold their thoughts or feelings, it doesn’t mean they haven’t noticed a difference in your demeanor.

It is possible their silence may reflect a wish to protect you.  However, they would also be misinterpreting what they see, and that could lead to inaccurate conclusions on their part.

Having said all of that, my hope is that you will proceed slowly.  It may be wise to consult with an attorney to know your rights and gather all the necessary facts and information.

Or, you may consider meeting with your ex-husband to discuss your concerns before any action is taken. At least this would demonstrate an effort to co-parent rather than act unilaterally.

For instance, are you currently using Family Wizard to coordinate your co-parenting schedules? (www.familywizard.com) ?

If not this website might alleviate some of your concerns as it would enable each of you to keep track of the children through the calendar, message board, journal, plus all the other features offered.

Best of all, it may facilitate a better working relationship between the two of you by getting the children out of the middle and making their lives more secure.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Primarily, it is an economical necessity for the family until your graduate finds the right job.

Although this idea may not be what was anticipated prior to graduation; the current economic downturn has prompted parents to be practical and realistic.

Although returning home may be a financial necessity, it doesn’t have to viewed negatively, or as a step backwards.

However, coming home does require some re-negotiating of various house hold issues; whether it pertains to helping to care for the house, sharing a car,  or if younger siblings are still living in the house, being available to assist.

But is also requires respecting each other’s need for privacy, leisure time, and his or her social life.

Hopefully, the twenty-something young adult who is returning home is far more mature and independent today.

If you have done your job well-enough, your graduate should appreciate all that you have given and is grateful to return to a loving home during this period of uncertainty, disappointment or transition.

Coming home may be the best option for your graduate now, despite your young adult imagining it’s the worst.

If you can stay present-focused, offer advice when asked, plus acknowledge feelings (without trying to take over or tell your young adult what he or she should or shouldn’t do) in regards to his or her career and/or personal choices, then your college graduate will gain an invaluable life lesson from you.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Who feels it more? Parents or Children?

Sleep away camp is supposed to be a wonderful and fun-filled experience. Yet, some children find the adventure far less enjoyable.

Why? In part, it may depend on how well you have prepared your child for this adventure; especially if this is your child’s first time away from you.

You need to talk with your child about his or her feelings; which includes your child’s excitement and positive feelings but also his or her scared or anxious feelings too.

Most likely, all of them are going on inside your child’s mind.

Sleep away camp is exciting but for younger or first time campers, expect some discomfort attached to going away.

Once your child is away at camp he or she does not have you to rely on; whether to offer a hug, say consoling words, or share a favorite snack.

Chances are, your child will have a wonderful and caring counselor, but it cannot replace your presence.

So, be understanding if your child experiences moments of homesickness.

Going away to camp enables a child to learn about self-reliance and camaraderie in a supportive and structured environment.

Children learn new facets about themselves. They must handle relationships as well as handle conflicts without parental guidance.

Part of this occurs through learning to live among non-family members, plus cooperate with cabin mates by performing chores or playing games they may dislike.

Some parents find it easier to accept this time apart, recalling their own nostalgic childhood memories attending camp.

However, there are other parents who have a harder time accepting their child’s separation for a variety of reasons.

If your child’s departure date is creating discomfort and apprehension for you, be aware your feeling could be misinterpreted in your child’s mind.

If you suspect this, don’t deny or ignore the situation.  Do talk about your feelings; but using age appropriate words.

It is natural to be thinking about how much you will miss your son or daughter because you love them.

But, don’t make them feel as if they are deserting you or that separating is too painful.

Otherwise, this could prompt feelings of guilt and make it harder for your child to feel comfortable leaving, which would defeat the purpose for sending your child away to summer camp.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Charles Dicken’s famous opening line from “A Tale of Two Cities” could be applied to highlight the two ends of the spectrum parents experience navigating the world of social networking with their tween and teens.

While we are born wired to express ourselves and be understood by looking, holding, and speaking, this generation uses electronic gadgetry to feel connected.

This contrasts with how we become attached from birth, when it is less about specific words and more about reading the baby’s non-verbal cues to create feelings of safety, security, and feeling cared for.

While electronics have immeasurably expanded the boundaries of our interpersonal world, a disconnect occurs when intangibles such as voice inflection, emotions, and facial expressions and body language are absent.

One sad result: cyber-bulling. It has become problematic in small towns, as well as major metropolitan cities. Intolerance, prejudice, and projecting shame has led to heartbreaking and in some cases, fatal consequences.

Parents may feel angry, sad, confused, or at a loss not knowing how to protect their children. Even with the wealth of information available, without talking about feelings, or demonstrating understanding, compassion, or acceptance has exacerbated some of the problems that exist today

Monday, May 9^th marks the 100^th anniversary of the American Psychoanalytic Association.

One of the cornerstones of child and adolescent psychoanalytic therapy has been the ability to accept each child’s uniqueness, knowing family problems are multi-determined.

Today’s children are growing up in incredibly fast-paced, but also complex society.

Numerous pressures exist. Some stem from external factors, others are internally driven.

Anxiety disorders, adhd, behavioral problems, (such as oppositional-defiance, or conduct disorders,) cutting, depression, and eating disorders represent a few of the ABCDE’s of problems young people experience that are being treated and helped by psychotherapy, which takes a deeper look inside the a person’s soul to get to the root of the problem.

Even the wealth of knowledge at our fingertips has not decreased feelings of alienation, loneliness, boredom, sadness, fearfulness, anxiousness, or acts of violence or self-destruction.

Helping parents and children (of all ages)  make sense of all these feelings, unspoken thoughts, fantasies, plus learn new coping skills and appropriate interactions is what psychologists can offer through psychotherapy to heal the wounds that perpetuate the polarization parents encounter today.

Dr. Andrea Corn

Lighthouse Point, FL 33064

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

1. Know your own involvement, behavior, and attitude regarding electronic devices.
   1. How does your child view your relationship with these devices?
   2. Could your child be modeling your actions ?
2. Adult and teen cell phone, Internet, and texting privileges are not equal.
   1. You can cross these boundaries (read their texts, I M’s)
   2. Display consistency in your words and how you discipline.
3. Adult and teen cell phone, Internet, and texting privileges are not equal.
   1. You can cross these boundaries (read their texts, I M’s)
   2. Display consistency in your words and how you discipline.
   3. Acknowledge your child’s anger, frustration, and refusal to listen.
4. Teach your child by your example that anger is acceptable, it just has to be expressed properly.
   1. Attacking you with words or ignoring your requests is inappropriate.
   2. Words can be like weapons as they can inflict pain and hurt.
   3. Use “I” statements and state your feelings. For example, “I feel ____________
   4. Don’t let your child manipulate you by making promises in the future; or it won’t happen again, or blaming it on a sibling.
5. Be prepared to exercise limit setting and enforce consequences.
6. Maintain flexible but realistic and consistent boundaries.
7. How well does your child manage his/her frustration, disappointment, and/or anger?
8. Self-regulation, self-discipline, and tolerating frustration and becoming resilient are important keys for later success in life.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn