If you could give yourself one gift, but a gift you cannot purchase in a store, or find in a catalog, or shop for on line, what would you select?

It happens to be a gift everyone possesses, if they chose to look within. 

And, that is the gift of being kind and considerate to yourself. 

 If you can withhold unrealistic self-criticism, negativity, or judgmental thoughts, and instead find a way to be more supportive, reassuring, and empathic, you will have given yourself an incredible present.  

It is the kind of gift that provides comfort and inner security during times of need.

Developing self-acceptance is invaluable for peace of mind and truly becomes a present that keeps on giving….. 

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Do you look forward to this holiday?

Generally speaking it is a festive time that involves feasting and being together with family and/or friends. But, for some it can be a day that is accompanied by trepidation and/or discomfort.

It’s natural to want this holiday to be one that is as joyful as it is delicious.  Yet, past memories can kindle disappointments that detract from a day remembered for being about gratefulness and appreciation.  

You can do your best to make this day about being thankful for what  you have in your life.

 Hopefully there is something —that brings joy and gratitude.

It may be your family, friends, career, health, or freedom to pursue your dreams.

But, if you find worries, doubts, disappointments, or resentments weighing on your mind, then it takes away from being able to see what you have.

On this day of thanks,  remember you have a choice….

Either you can take in and feel good about yourself, your life, and your surroundings.  If you do, you can feast on your own peace of mind.

Or you can let others influence your mood, your mind, and take you out of your comfort zone, where discomfort fills you up. 

On this day, thank yourself if you can stay in a positive frame of mind; and not be drawn into arguments where others dish out their unpleasantries.

If you can, then your Thanksgiving will be sweeter as self-restraint has been used.  It can prevent over-indulging in food or drink to escape as well as not over- reacting to distasteful words. 

 Be careful not to create a bigger problem than there really is.

After all the only turkey you want to see on that day in the lovely roasted bird being carved on the dining room table.  

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Dear Concerned,

Before I get into the heart of your letter, I would like to compliment you first, by pointing out a positive aspect of your letter.

Based on your question it appears you and your ex husband have been able to co-parent rather well; putting aside painful personal feelings from the past and acting in the best interest of your children. Being able to accomplish that is commendable, as it is not always easy to do.

Psychologically, one of the most damaging consequences for children of divorce is witnessing ongoing parental conflict.  This only creates misunderstandings, confusion, loyalty conflicts, plus resentment, anger, feelings of sadness and loss.

Additionally, when erratic and unpredictable parental relationships start to occur, it negatively impacts a child’s well-being, self-esteem, plus peer and other relationships.

Of course, your worry and concern is understandable. But, it would help to learn how to calm yourself down and not let such thoughts and feelings get the best of you. Remember, nothing is going to change immediately.

I caution you to stay in the here and now and be present focused rather than imagine worst case scenarios. This is important.

Your ex-husband has stated his plan which is to commute.  So far; he has been a reliable and consistent presence in your children’s lives.

And, that is important to remember. It’s way too soon to know whether this job is so demanding that it requires him to relocate.

If your anxiety persists, perhaps you may want to explore with a therapist what is fueling your fears.  I only wish to point out how excessive worrying hurts your emotional or mental well-being.

If would be preferable to put your energies into working on yourself and figuring out ways to ease your distress rather than put significant time, money, and energy into preventing an outcome that may never come to pass.

Understandably, you goal is to ensure your children’s stability and security, but at the same time, be careful you don’t unnecessarily cause them worry either.

Most children are well aware of any changes noted in their parent’s behavior or communications.  If either of your children sense discomfort or apprehension on your part, chances are, whether spoken or unspoken it will affect them too.

And, if your children withhold their thoughts or feelings, it doesn’t mean they haven’t noticed a difference in your demeanor.

It is possible their silence may reflect a wish to protect you.  However, they would also be misinterpreting what they see, and that could lead to inaccurate conclusions on their part.

Having said all of that, my hope is that you will proceed slowly.  It may be wise to consult with an attorney to know your rights and gather all the necessary facts and information.

Or, you may consider meeting with your ex-husband to discuss your concerns before any action is taken. At least this would demonstrate an effort to co-parent rather than act unilaterally.

For instance, are you currently using Family Wizard to coordinate your co-parenting schedules? (www.familywizard.com) ?

If not this website might alleviate some of your concerns as it would enable each of you to keep track of the children through the calendar, message board, journal, plus all the other features offered.

Best of all, it may facilitate a better working relationship between the two of you by getting the children out of the middle and making their lives more secure.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

This year the NBA has had one of their most exciting playoff series in years.

The TV ratings have been sensational, revenues are reportedly up, and the increase in audience staying up late to watch the electrifying shooting, scoring, and blocking has to put a smile NBA Commissioner David Stern’s face.

During the playoffs there have been short features and commercials showcasing NBA stars and the goodwill gestures these famous athletes have made to their local communities.

The NBA has also taken the right steps to improve relationships with parents and children through sports, physical fitness, and fun.  Two great examples on their website include NBA Hoop Troop and the First Lady’s support of NBA Fit and Let’s Move.

Yet, with all this positive attention directed to families and young fans, and with the two best teams in their East and West Conference, vying for the 2011 NBA Title, why are letting these games begin at 9 pm EST?

My comment is not to slight the Pacific Standard Time sports fans.

But, by starting the NBA Finals this late is a disservice to parents and children on the other coast, as they cannot stay up to see all four quarters of this electrifying Heat-Maverick series together.

This is especially true for the younger Miami Heat fans.    

Even if some youngster are allowed to watch a few minutes or are permitted to stay up until half-time, it’s still disappointing going to sleep not knowing the outcome.

Actually, falling sleep before the end of the game is becoming a frustrating but increasingly frequent occurrence for adults who find it hard to stay up until midnight when the final buzzer sounds.

Whether it is catering to the networks or the West coast still hurts families up and down the Eastern seaboard.

It just seem unfair as it limits the opportunity for family bonding and re-telling stories which often leads to creating and ensuring the next generation of sports fans.

It seems like a slam dunk to me, Commissioner Stern to reconsider the time of the tip off for next year.

But, then again, my special memories are from the ‘60s when important sports events were played during the day and families could spend this time together.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn



Who feels it more? Parents or Children?

Sleep away camp is supposed to be a wonderful and fun-filled experience. Yet, some children find the adventure far less enjoyable.

Why? In part, it may depend on how well you have prepared your child for this adventure; especially if this is your child’s first time away from you.

You need to talk with your child about his or her feelings; which includes your child’s excitement and positive feelings but also his or her scared or anxious feelings too.

Most likely, all of them are going on inside your child’s mind.

Sleep away camp is exciting but for younger or first time campers, expect some discomfort attached to going away.

Once your child is away at camp he or she does not have you to rely on; whether to offer a hug, say consoling words, or share a favorite snack.

Chances are, your child will have a wonderful and caring counselor, but it cannot replace your presence.

So, be understanding if your child experiences moments of homesickness.

Going away to camp enables a child to learn about self-reliance and camaraderie in a supportive and structured environment.

Children learn new facets about themselves. They must handle relationships as well as handle conflicts without parental guidance.

Part of this occurs through learning to live among non-family members, plus cooperate with cabin mates by performing chores or playing games they may dislike.

Some parents find it easier to accept this time apart, recalling their own nostalgic childhood memories attending camp.

However, there are other parents who have a harder time accepting their child’s separation for a variety of reasons.

If your child’s departure date is creating discomfort and apprehension for you, be aware your feeling could be misinterpreted in your child’s mind.

If you suspect this, don’t deny or ignore the situation.  Do talk about your feelings; but using age appropriate words.

It is natural to be thinking about how much you will miss your son or daughter because you love them.

But, don’t make them feel as if they are deserting you or that separating is too painful.

Otherwise, this could prompt feelings of guilt and make it harder for your child to feel comfortable leaving, which would defeat the purpose for sending your child away to summer camp.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Charles Dicken’s famous opening line from “A Tale of Two Cities” could be applied to highlight the two ends of the spectrum parents experience navigating the world of social networking with their tween and teens.

While we are born wired to express ourselves and be understood by looking, holding, and speaking, this generation uses electronic gadgetry to feel connected.

This contrasts with how we become attached from birth, when it is less about specific words and more about reading the baby’s non-verbal cues to create feelings of safety, security, and feeling cared for.

While electronics have immeasurably expanded the boundaries of our interpersonal world, a disconnect occurs when intangibles such as voice inflection, emotions, and facial expressions and body language are absent.

One sad result: cyber-bulling. It has become problematic in small towns, as well as major metropolitan cities. Intolerance, prejudice, and projecting shame has led to heartbreaking and in some cases, fatal consequences.

Parents may feel angry, sad, confused, or at a loss not knowing how to protect their children. Even with the wealth of information available, without talking about feelings, or demonstrating understanding, compassion, or acceptance has exacerbated some of the problems that exist today

Monday, May 9^th marks the 100^th anniversary of the American Psychoanalytic Association.

One of the cornerstones of child and adolescent psychoanalytic therapy has been the ability to accept each child’s uniqueness, knowing family problems are multi-determined.

Today’s children are growing up in incredibly fast-paced, but also complex society.

Numerous pressures exist. Some stem from external factors, others are internally driven.

Anxiety disorders, adhd, behavioral problems, (such as oppositional-defiance, or conduct disorders,) cutting, depression, and eating disorders represent a few of the ABCDE’s of problems young people experience that are being treated and helped by psychotherapy, which takes a deeper look inside the a person’s soul to get to the root of the problem.

Even the wealth of knowledge at our fingertips has not decreased feelings of alienation, loneliness, boredom, sadness, fearfulness, anxiousness, or acts of violence or self-destruction.

Helping parents and children (of all ages)  make sense of all these feelings, unspoken thoughts, fantasies, plus learn new coping skills and appropriate interactions is what psychologists can offer through psychotherapy to heal the wounds that perpetuate the polarization parents encounter today.

Dr. Andrea Corn

Lighthouse Point, FL 33064

www.DrAndreaCorn.com