Now that the calendar page has turned to December, have you taken the time to stop and reflect on 2011 and what is has brought or taken from you?

For some, it has brought blessings and new beginnings. Yet, for others, this has been a difficult year; full of struggles, disappointments, and heartbreaks.  For some this year may have been about loss: whether it involved the ending of a relationship, a decline in health, or perhaps the ending of a job.

Often, a loss is associated with something sad and unpleasant.  Yet, sometimes saying goodbye to someone or some situation may be a necessary ending.  Perhaps you might even have remained longer than you should have in an unrewarding situation despite receiving all those signals in your head or heart to exit.   Sometimes misery is dismissed and feelings are rationalized, as if it is simply part of the human condition.

If you could give yourself one gift, but a gift you cannot purchase in a store, or find in a catalog, or shop for on line, what would you select?

It happens to be a gift everyone possesses, if they chose to look within. 

And, that is the gift of being kind and considerate to yourself. 

 If you can withhold unrealistic self-criticism, negativity, or judgmental thoughts, and instead find a way to be more supportive, reassuring, and empathic, you will have given yourself an incredible present.  

It is the kind of gift that provides comfort and inner security during times of need.

Developing self-acceptance is invaluable for peace of mind and truly becomes a present that keeps on giving….. 

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Some adults find themselves in a downward spiral because reminiscing about the past brings more sadness than joy.   Others become saddened over the absence of cherished family traditions.  Many South Floridians are separated down here from loved ones or are alone as a result of divorce, illness, or other personal losses.  Recent economic conditions have brought additional restrictions to where opening one’s home, one’s heart, or one’s wallet becomes a heavy and unwelcome burden.

Truth be told, the holiday blues are not just defined by one’s external reality.  Frequently, this condition is related to what’s happening inside the recesses of one’s mind.

It may be hard to believe one’s thinking could also be a culprit. Notwithstanding medical, financial, or relationship problems, if more time is spent brooding about the past, rehashing old injustices or worrying about what has yet come to pass, then one’s thoughts perpetuate their own misery.

You can give yourself a wonderful gift, and that is the gift of peace of mind. But, you must be willing to change your outlook. Yes, it takes mental discipline, but with practice and perseverance, you can gain greater mental and emotional self-control.

If you are saying humbug to yourself reading this, chances are, your negative thinking is stronger than you realize.  It is scary to leave behind what’s familiar. As much as one hates to suffer, it is sometimes harder to risk trying something new. Changing deeply ingrained patterns and ways of thinking requires conscious effort, but it is possible to do.

Despite whatever circumstances exist in your life, and no matter your age, you have the potential to lift the dark clouds and dispel the blues that permeates your being.    This article can only point you in the direction to be more aware of what’s going on inside of you rather than dismiss or ignore all those cues.  Otherwise, they will remain pent up inside and continue to fester.

This holiday season can you learn to be your own best friend and accept yourself with less criticism and fewer unrealistic expectations?  If you can be your own source of comfort and support, then you are well on your way to lifting the holiday blues.

Here are a few other tips to help more joy into your life.

1)       Appreciate what makes you unique. Identify your personal assets (i.e., a good problem solver or listener).

2)      Give yourself a gift:  It could be kindness, forgiveness, or perhaps patience.

3)      Get busy. Activity is a wonderful way to forget your own problems and get out of your head.  Consider volunteering.

4)      Gifts can come from the heart.  Not all gifts must be store bought.  Share a favorite recipe or send an email sharing a memorable family story.

5)      Appreciate your surroundings. Take a walk on the beach, or by a park.  Reconnect with nature.

6)      Choose friends who make you laugh and feel good.

7)      Fulfill a realistic dream.

Yet, if none of these suggestions lift your spirits, please, consult with your medical doctor as your symptoms requires further attention.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Do you look forward to this holiday?

Generally speaking it is a festive time that involves feasting and being together with family and/or friends. But, for some it can be a day that is accompanied by trepidation and/or discomfort.

It’s natural to want this holiday to be one that is as joyful as it is delicious.  Yet, past memories can kindle disappointments that detract from a day remembered for being about gratefulness and appreciation.  

You can do your best to make this day about being thankful for what  you have in your life.

 Hopefully there is something —that brings joy and gratitude.

It may be your family, friends, career, health, or freedom to pursue your dreams.

But, if you find worries, doubts, disappointments, or resentments weighing on your mind, then it takes away from being able to see what you have.

On this day of thanks,  remember you have a choice….

Either you can take in and feel good about yourself, your life, and your surroundings.  If you do, you can feast on your own peace of mind.

Or you can let others influence your mood, your mind, and take you out of your comfort zone, where discomfort fills you up. 

On this day, thank yourself if you can stay in a positive frame of mind; and not be drawn into arguments where others dish out their unpleasantries.

If you can, then your Thanksgiving will be sweeter as self-restraint has been used.  It can prevent over-indulging in food or drink to escape as well as not over- reacting to distasteful words. 

 Be careful not to create a bigger problem than there really is.

After all the only turkey you want to see on that day in the lovely roasted bird being carved on the dining room table.  

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

 How long is your holiday shopping list this year?  Is it larger than you had hoped for? Are you starting to feel the stress of what lies ahead despite your good intentions of wanting to be generous and thoughtful?   You may have the best intentions and desire to give unselfishly to others; yet if you find yourself feeling frazzled, tense, and worried too much about everyone else, then perhaps you are neglecting your own emotional needs. 

 Certainly, it is a joy to give to others, but don’t forget to find time to take care of yourself as well. 

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Are there nights where you just can’t get a good night sleep? Do you find yourself drifting off to sleep; but then, several hours later you are wide awake hours before your alarm is set to go off.   

If your mind is restless, wandering, or wrestling with various thoughts, it is hard to shut out all of  that interference.  

Hopefully, such sleepless nights are infrequent. But, when they occur, your good night’s sleep has gone out the (proverbial) window.

  What are the reasons? Well, they could vary widely between something personal, professional, financial, or even health related. 

You could be consumed about something related to yourself, a family member, co-worker, friend, or simply a story heard on TV, radio, or the internet.

 Whatever the problem may be, a spectrum of emotions will be connected to your thoughts. 

For some, these sleepless nights revolve around a future event.

 For others, it may have more to do with the past or past relationships.  Some individuals become consumed with worry and doubt; others experience pent-up anger and frustration; while others still find themselves full of sadness and melancholy feelings.  

But, whatever is going on inside of you, the inability to resolve it through thinking can be unsettling. 

In addition, all the emotions that have been tugging at your head and heart sometimes spill over and end up affecting your waking hours. 

If that’s the case, then reaching out for help may be the best thing you can do. Sometimes it is very difficult to unravel the problem or see an available solution. 

In that case, perhaps it is time to consider scheduling an appointment with a mental health professional.  After all, a therapist is trained to listen with objectivity and clarity, as well as to be attuned to what is being spoken on many different levels.

By that I mean, it is not just the words, or the content expressed; as much listening to what is shared by one’s facial expressions, voice tone, and body language. 

Often times, these subtle changes are outside someone’s awareness.  As your emotional and mental knot is untangled. your peace of mind should return as well as a good night sleep.

 In that case, why not sleep on it and see how this feels in the morning…  

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http:www.facebook.comDrAndreaCorn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http:www.facebook.comDrAndreaCorn

Sure, there are numerous necessary expenditures that must be met, whether it involves extra school supplies, new clothing or uniforms, as well as signing up for extracurricular activities or another year of day care.

These bills quickly add up whether you are a two-or one-income family. So, such pressures are understandable. Some of these expenditures will fall under the heading of a “need” while others fall under the heading of a “want”.

Knowing how to prioritize and balance both often requires some juggling.

But, if you find yourself fretting or becoming more irritable worrying about the mounting expenses, take heart. Chances are, you are not alone.

However, you do need to realize your mindset can affect your heath as well as your day to day interactions with your family.

If so, do yourself a favor, step back, and take a personal time out so you can stop and see the bigger picture.

As a parent it’s natural to show your love by providing your children with what you can — whether it’s that new pair of Nike’s, the trendy backpack, or adding that extra  activity so your son or daughter feels a sense of belonging with his or her peers.

However, if feelings of anxiety, guilt, or regret start driving your behavior, then your negative feelings are interfering with your best intentions and your parenting could suffer.

It’s better to be honest with yourself because it won’t be beneficial to you or your children if you take on more than you are physically, emotionally, or financially able to do.

If such thoughts or feelings resonate inside of you, do yourself a favor: don’t dismiss your feelings to yourself or your family.

You can say what needs to be said with consideration but also empathy.  Be true to yourself, otherwise you are headed down a slippery slope that gets steeper as your children get older and the years go by.

You can expect your child to balk as that would be normal. But, also your youngsters is hearing you respond to his or her feelings of hurt, anger, or disappointment.

Having one’s feelings acknowledged plus being heard is very important and should not be overlooked.  While your children may not appreciate it at the moment, you are doing what is necessary.

You are helping your children cope with frustration and disappointment by not ignoring what is being expressed through words or actions.  Not getting what one wants is a life experiences that every child undergoes.

Hopefully, over time your youngsters will learn you are not going to succumb to whining, temper tantrums, or angry and hurtful words.

This is also another invaluable life lesson; especially if they’ve be able to manipulate you in the past.

Additionally, teaching your youngsters to respect you and your word is critically important, although it likely won’t be grasped every time.

Expect many discussions over the years.

Certainly, you will have to weather the slingshots of insensitive, mean-spirited, and upsetting words.

As long as you do your best to reply in a consistent but also realistic way, you will be building a solid foundation that will not be eroded.  In fact, sometimes saying “no” is the most loving response you can make.

If this situation doesn’t improve over time, my advice would be to seek professional to help you keep control of yourself as well as successfully guide your children.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http:www.facebook.comDrAndreaCorn

Dr. Andrea Corn is a licensed family psychotherapist …

The past eighteen years, your life has revolved around your child/ren, so this inevitable change and adjustment may be initially difficult.

Do give yourself some time, especially if you are missing the parental role you’ve played for years.

However, it is important to realize that this separation is a necessary phase in your child’s development toward independence and adulthood.

Every parent has to undergo this necessary loss, whether your child heads off to college in or out of state, or begins community college nearby.

Part of being a parent is accepting each phase of development.

Hopefully, through the course of raising your child, you have given your son or daughter the tools to become increasingly self-sufficient and self-reliant.

Think about these years as transitional ones; times when your college student will rely on your words as well as shun your good advice.  You’ll still receive those phone calls, texts, or emails asking for guidance, advice, and possibly extra money!

These are the years your almost-to-be adult is engaged in higher learning but also gaining valuable life lessons through friendships, relationships, and independent decisions.

Now, let’s now transition to helping you cope with this change. Be careful not to let your sadness or loneliness pull you down or distract you from re-discovering new interests, prior hobbies, or volunteering.

It doesn’t matter what you choose as long as you enjoy your decision.  Carpooling, running errands, and going to high school functions may be ending, but what can be starting is a new lease on life for yourself.

The choices are plentiful, so it could be hard to make up your mind.  Some adults make a career change, mentor, or enjoy learning and sign up for adult education classes. These times can be very rewarding, if you allow yourself to view them positively.

But, if you find yourself unable to see the opportunities that exist several weeks later, and are still very sad and no one or nothing can lift your spirits, I recommend seeking professional help.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Hearing reports about tropical storms brewing out in the Atlantic that potentially could become the next hurricane can lodge in a child’s mind and exacerbate his or her fears.

Here are some thoughts on how you may help your child during the hurricane season in South Florida.

Young children’s fears often arise when information heard is abstract and therefore, not fully understood.

Children are very eager to learn about the world around them, but they need help to make sense of the information presented.

Children under the age of eight often cannot grasp complex concepts.

Thus, hearing about a tropical storm thousands of miles away that has the potential to change into a hurricane is beyond his or her cognitive ability.

Your child may know what it’s like to be in a thunderstorm, but that does not fully explain the power of a hurricane.

Moreover, your child may be thinking about this event in very personal terms; wondering could these strong winds and pounding rain could personally affect his or her immediate surrounding and family.

It your find your child asking the same questions over and over without satisfaction, chances are your youngster is anxious. In that case, it would be best to first reassure and comfort your child before providing factual answers.

It’s not the question that causes his or her worry, rather it is the unspoken thoughts or feelings that are disturbing.  It would be best to acknowledge your child’s apprehension and let them know it is ok.

By reassuring your child, you are actually reducing his or her fear by speaking about its presence. Ironically, talking about what is scary can actually bring relief.

But, if you find your child is still uneasy, then you need to find out if something else is weighing on your child’s mind.   Otherwise, it may just take a little longer than anticipated for the worry to dissipate.

Some children may remain anxious because they’ve picked up some verbal or nonverbal cues from their mother or father.

Besides letting your child know you will do everything necessary to protect your home, townhome, condo, or apt. paying attention to your youngster’s non-verbal communication is critically important.

And, if you can relay your words in soothing way without getting exasperated, this too will help create an atmosphere of safety.  Your child needs to know it is ok to share innermost thoughts, feelings, as well as fantasies.

This can also help your child realize there is a difference between what is real and unreal.

One last idea may be to allow your child to participate in simple hurricane preparations.  Letting your child put the peanut butter in the grocery cart, to using a tracking map to physically document the next storm may decrease anxiety and create a greater sense of personal control.

Whether your child fears hurricanes or other weather-related events helping your youngster develop ways to appropriately cope is teaching a valuable life lesson.

There will always be storms we must weather in life, whether actual or metaphorical.

Knowing that it is safe to discuss and share one’s feelings is important.

Once this lesson is learned, the better your child will fare.  A reassuring word, comforting gesture, or hug can make all the difference as you let your child know you are there to comfort and soothe his or her fears which is actually more powerful than you may realize.

For additional information and practical tips, check out Fema’s website: www. fema.gov/kids)

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn