1. Know your own involvement, behavior, and attitude regarding electronic devices.
   1. How does your child view your relationship with these devices?
   2. Could your child be modeling your actions ?
2. Adult and teen cell phone, Internet, and texting privileges are not equal.
   1. You can cross these boundaries (read their texts, I M’s)
   2. Display consistency in your words and how you discipline.
3. Adult and teen cell phone, Internet, and texting privileges are not equal.
   1. You can cross these boundaries (read their texts, I M’s)
   2. Display consistency in your words and how you discipline.
   3. Acknowledge your child’s anger, frustration, and refusal to listen.
4. Teach your child by your example that anger is acceptable, it just has to be expressed properly.
   1. Attacking you with words or ignoring your requests is inappropriate.
   2. Words can be like weapons as they can inflict pain and hurt.
   3. Use “I” statements and state your feelings. For example, “I feel ____________
   4. Don’t let your child manipulate you by making promises in the future; or it won’t happen again, or blaming it on a sibling.
5. Be prepared to exercise limit setting and enforce consequences.
6. Maintain flexible but realistic and consistent boundaries.
7. How well does your child manage his/her frustration, disappointment, and/or anger?
8. Self-regulation, self-discipline, and tolerating frustration and becoming resilient are important keys for later success in life.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Today’s pre-teens s are attached at the hip and/or wrist to their cell phones.  Today’s generations of teenagers are skilled and proficient typists.

It is just a guess but in many cases it probably takes less than a minute to tap out a word, perhaps two, or send an entire sentence before the answer flashes across the screen in return.

At the same time these messages are filtered through an electronic device whether that screen is a cell phone or laptop computer.

This additional barrier is how we engage in many conversations.    It is socially acceptable and the norm.  This will not change.

But for those of us you who are parents today, you also know this is a departure from how you grew up and were raised.  There is no history or precedent to fall back on.

So, you are the pioneers with your kids on cell phone etiquette and their respecting you.

So the statement, “it is a different world today raising young children”, has never been more apt or true.

While we are literally a finger tip away from having electronic contact with another, we also need to make sure the message sent was actually heard with its proper intent.  Having a conversation face to face is not the same as typing one out on a keyboard.

What happens when your son or daughter does not reply to your message to return your call? Or, come home? Or, let you know that an errand, task, or chore was completed?

Be careful not to level the playing field in cell phone banter and reduce your authority.

A teen’s cell phone should be a privilege not expected upon reaching a double digit age.    Have you thought about how you will handle such moments?

You need to plan ahead, as it will be up to you to explain, set the rules and then follow through with the appropriate consequence if and when that time occurs.

Till Next Time

Andrea

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

F Fix your mind on helping your child enjoy his or her sporting experience.

U Understand this sport is what you child enjoys.  Be on the sidelines to offer cheers and support.

N No matter what, be constructive in your praise. This is your child’s time, not yours.

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What is the one area of self-improvement you would like to create for yourself in 2011?

Are you ready and willing to say to yourself, I want to make this change?

Do you have faith in yourself?  Can you envision yourself achieving this transformation?

In order to succeed, you first need to believe.

Making a personal change is not easy, but it isn’t impossible either.

Pick something fairly easy at first, that you feel you can master.

Try not to set yourself up by expecting to make a change that is unrealistic.

In order to make the effort, you must be mindful and think about what you are going to do differently.

You will also need to show determination and not give up.

Sometimes it is hard to sustain will power, but as long as you don’t give in to won’t or can’t power and are patient and supportive, you are headed in the right direction to accomplish your goal.

Till Next Time

Andrea

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

The Best Gift of All

One of the factors that could hold you back in your life is allowing negative, judgmental, and/or critical self-talk to out of your heart’s desire or dream.

This holiday season, here is a personal gift suggestion.  In fact, it is one that is priceless.

And, that is giving yourself the gift of being kind and considerate to yourself.

If you can do this with honesty, sincerity, and truthfulness, you will be giving yourself a present that can be comforting and uplifting to your spirit in the coming year.

No present will be as valuable, enduring, or offering peace of mind as self-acceptance.

Till Next Time

Dr Andrea Corn

http://www.drandreacorn.com/

Where have most of the good manners gone?

A long time ago  (I believe) civility reigned.  Good manners were the norm, and children and adults participated in these daily rituals of being courteous to one another. 

 Saying “please” and  “thank you” or even “I’m sorry, while meaning it and looking that person in the eye occurred. 

I am saying this because those moments seem more distant and far away.   

I can’t pinpoint when it started to change or all the numerous factors that contributed to the decline, but what I see when I am in department stores, supermarkets, restaurants, sporting events, etc., makes me take notice and wonder.

I believe in the value and importance of good manners. 

 So, I’ll ask, “what can be done to re-kindle and raise awareness?”   

I’ll give my shout out to grandparents, parents, and adults to please take the lead. 

You can set the example by taking the time to display kindness, 

respect, and an under

standing to others that you would also like shown to you.   

Till Next Time

Andrea

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

UNPLUGGED….

Children, teens, and adults alike are attached and connected to all their technological innovations and gadgets – be it, blackberry, iphone, smart phone, text, ipod, ipad, face book, you name it. 

What happened to face to face conversations, hearing another’s voice, and being aware and connected to another’s feelings? 

Texting with all its abbreviations and less wordings gets the message out.  The words are displayed on the screen , but what about the feelings or intent behind them?  How can we really know?

 It is easy to misunderstand or make the wrong assumption about the simplest of communications. 

How would you know if the person was being brief, due to a lack of time, or simply rude? 

  Who could have envisioned the power we possess to say whatever we want at the touch of our fingertips? 

These advances have undoubtedly reshaped our world. 

However, has it really improved our ability to connect with one another?  Of course, many will say  “yes”! 

However, we have also witnessed how easily others can be hurt and deeply wounded by what is shared electronically.  

While we may all be Linked In, Face Booked, and connected to the latest you tube sensation let’s use discretion and not use these tools as means to  denigrate or shame another.   

Till Next Time

Andrea

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

Shaming:   One of the real culprits of bullying

Bullying is not a new phenomenon but in this era of faceless and nameless electronic communications, there seems to be an upsurge.   How come?  What has prompted this?  Well, let’s examine what we do know:   A bully can be of any age: whether a child, teen, or adult.  But, to qualify for this label, this individual must use his or her presence and physicality; speak using mean and hurtful words, or through the means of a laptop, phone, or computer screen use language, symbols, videotapes, etc. to inflict some kind of humiliation to mortification.   But, why…….

One reason for the increase witnessed in bullying (which has been raised in our collective conscience) is due to seeing or hearing verbal and/or physical aggression be successful.  So, sadly this kind of arrogant success is imitated. Whether it is done well by those with sharp tongues who bask in the spotlight or those whose bad behavior is witnessed by many, just the mere attention directed to these individuals promotes the feeling of entitlement as if such behaviors are justified.   Some do come away observing this verbal (more so than physical) assault is equated with being powerful and mighty rather than abusive or insensitive.

Children and teens have witnessed this portray by all kinds of adults on TV, youtube, face book, etc, whether it is politicians going at one another in a debate or highly charged paid political commercial, a tv star portraying a particular role, young men and women cast on a reality TV show reacting to an injustice, to professional athletes expressing their bravado to a reporter.   Over time, these behaviors are assimilated, copied, and then are emerge in a kaleidoscope of individual expressions representative of a child, teen, or adult.

What can realistically be done?   Simple, the answer has to start within the home.  It has to begin with the behaviors, communications, and messages modeled by the parents or caregivers.  In addition, parents and caregivers must teach empathy, tolerance, and this includes teaching how to put oneself in another’s shoes, rather than be the one stomping down on the others toes.  Until these adults are willing to stop and look at their own reactions and behaviors in all kinds of settings change will be hard to change.  Every day there are multiple opportunities to teach compassion, humility, and respect, just as much as every day opportunities exist to engage in inappropriate and bullying behaviors.   Children do make mental notes and knowingly and unknowingly repeat what they see their parents or caregivers do, especially in reaction to frustration and disappointment, when rudely addressed, treated with disrespect, or embarrassed in front of others.  

 So, it is unrealistic to think bullying will decrease any time soon in the lives of children and teens.  Bullies know the power inherent in shaming, as it has the capability to reduce another human being to feeling small, worthless, and inadequate while the other feels empowered and vindicated.  We need to help those who have been bullied to no longer be afraid, anxious, and stop hiding so this pattern can be changed.

Till Next Time

Andrea

Dr Andrea Corn

http://www.drandreacorn.com

Don’t lose your Cool with your kids

We all look forward to the carefree days of summer.  Children and parents alike welcome the break from the weekly routine of school, extracurricular and other important activities.  And, yet, for some the lack of a definite schedule is unsettling.

Understandably, a change in one’s routine can be anxiety producing.   Whether your child has a set summer routine, such as attending day camp, or if your child remains home under your care; regardless, when the unexpected occurs and disrupts the order in your life how do you cope?

It could be as mundane as a play date falling through, work unexpectedly needing your presence at an inopportune time, or the babysitter letting you down.  When what you expect to happen goes awry and your stress levels keeps rising as you worry about adequately juggling all the demands in your life; can you keep your cool, or do you find your own temperature rising to the point of no return?

If you do lose your cool; don’t ignore or dismiss it. You need to first acknowledge to yourself it happened and it is alright to get frustrated.    If you were raised where feelings were to be ignored, you are likely to dismiss what is happening to yourself.   But, that doesn’t resolve the problems.

In fact, often times, it may even make the situation worse. Moreover, this is the time to undo the past as it will feel both liberating and beneficial.   Yes, you may need to let your family know you momentarily over reacted. As humans we are hard wired to display a range of feelings – including disappointment, annoyance, and anger.  However, the goal is to be able to express these uncomfortable feelings within the spectrum that is appropriate not inappropriate.

Face it, our parents did not have nearly the parenting resources we now have at our fingertips once we connect to the internet. It is natural by default to revert back to what is either familiar or what was witnessed growing up.   However, bad role modeling is not what you want to hold onto and repeat.

Rather, now is the time to learn how to break the pattern so your leisure time can be savored and enjoyed.   Before you know it, summer will be over and so will this opportunity to connect in ways that enable all of you to happily remember for a lifetime.

Till Next Time

Andrea

Have you overspent this holiday season? Are you feeling stressed out?

Perhaps you are dreading the slew of bills arriving over the next few months?

Did this occur because you are a people pleaser and you focused on making sure your bought the best presents possible for your family, friends, or a significant relationship.

If so, let’s address the problem it created for you.  There may have been moments, when you might have wished you said “no”, but somehow couldn’t stop yourself from buying that gift out of worry and fear.

If such a thought crossed your mind, let me offer some advice.

Despite your goodness and desire to fulfill the dreams and wishes of others, dismissing your thoughts or feelings, means you neglected hearing your own inner voice.

It may be too late to change what already has occurred, but you can begin in the coming year to work on creating a better balance between saying no,  refraining from spending more than you have, and accepting your own limitations.

If you want to stay true to what you can afford and is within your budget then you need to believe that you are loved for who are and not the price of the gifts you bought.

Till Next Time

Andrea

www.DrAndreaCorn.com