Sure, there are numerous necessary expenditures that must be met, whether it involves extra school supplies, new clothing or uniforms, as well as signing up for extracurricular activities or another year of day care.

These bills quickly add up whether you are a two-or one-income family. So, such pressures are understandable. Some of these expenditures will fall under the heading of a “need” while others fall under the heading of a “want”.

Knowing how to prioritize and balance both often requires some juggling.

But, if you find yourself fretting or becoming more irritable worrying about the mounting expenses, take heart. Chances are, you are not alone.

However, you do need to realize your mindset can affect your heath as well as your day to day interactions with your family.

If so, do yourself a favor, step back, and take a personal time out so you can stop and see the bigger picture.

As a parent it’s natural to show your love by providing your children with what you can — whether it’s that new pair of Nike’s, the trendy backpack, or adding that extra  activity so your son or daughter feels a sense of belonging with his or her peers.

However, if feelings of anxiety, guilt, or regret start driving your behavior, then your negative feelings are interfering with your best intentions and your parenting could suffer.

It’s better to be honest with yourself because it won’t be beneficial to you or your children if you take on more than you are physically, emotionally, or financially able to do.

If such thoughts or feelings resonate inside of you, do yourself a favor: don’t dismiss your feelings to yourself or your family.

You can say what needs to be said with consideration but also empathy.  Be true to yourself, otherwise you are headed down a slippery slope that gets steeper as your children get older and the years go by.

You can expect your child to balk as that would be normal. But, also your youngsters is hearing you respond to his or her feelings of hurt, anger, or disappointment.

Having one’s feelings acknowledged plus being heard is very important and should not be overlooked.  While your children may not appreciate it at the moment, you are doing what is necessary.

You are helping your children cope with frustration and disappointment by not ignoring what is being expressed through words or actions.  Not getting what one wants is a life experiences that every child undergoes.

Hopefully, over time your youngsters will learn you are not going to succumb to whining, temper tantrums, or angry and hurtful words.

This is also another invaluable life lesson; especially if they’ve be able to manipulate you in the past.

Additionally, teaching your youngsters to respect you and your word is critically important, although it likely won’t be grasped every time.

Expect many discussions over the years.

Certainly, you will have to weather the slingshots of insensitive, mean-spirited, and upsetting words.

As long as you do your best to reply in a consistent but also realistic way, you will be building a solid foundation that will not be eroded.  In fact, sometimes saying “no” is the most loving response you can make.

If this situation doesn’t improve over time, my advice would be to seek professional to help you keep control of yourself as well as successfully guide your children.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http:www.facebook.comDrAndreaCorn

Dr. Andrea Corn is a licensed family psychotherapist …

The past eighteen years, your life has revolved around your child/ren, so this inevitable change and adjustment may be initially difficult.

Do give yourself some time, especially if you are missing the parental role you’ve played for years.

However, it is important to realize that this separation is a necessary phase in your child’s development toward independence and adulthood.

Every parent has to undergo this necessary loss, whether your child heads off to college in or out of state, or begins community college nearby.

Part of being a parent is accepting each phase of development.

Hopefully, through the course of raising your child, you have given your son or daughter the tools to become increasingly self-sufficient and self-reliant.

Think about these years as transitional ones; times when your college student will rely on your words as well as shun your good advice.  You’ll still receive those phone calls, texts, or emails asking for guidance, advice, and possibly extra money!

These are the years your almost-to-be adult is engaged in higher learning but also gaining valuable life lessons through friendships, relationships, and independent decisions.

Now, let’s now transition to helping you cope with this change. Be careful not to let your sadness or loneliness pull you down or distract you from re-discovering new interests, prior hobbies, or volunteering.

It doesn’t matter what you choose as long as you enjoy your decision.  Carpooling, running errands, and going to high school functions may be ending, but what can be starting is a new lease on life for yourself.

The choices are plentiful, so it could be hard to make up your mind.  Some adults make a career change, mentor, or enjoy learning and sign up for adult education classes. These times can be very rewarding, if you allow yourself to view them positively.

But, if you find yourself unable to see the opportunities that exist several weeks later, and are still very sad and no one or nothing can lift your spirits, I recommend seeking professional help.

Till next time

Dr Andrea Corn

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

http://www.facebook.com/DrAndreaCorn

Today’s pre-teens s are attached at the hip and/or wrist to their cell phones.  Today’s generations of teenagers are skilled and proficient typists.

It is just a guess but in many cases it probably takes less than a minute to tap out a word, perhaps two, or send an entire sentence before the answer flashes across the screen in return.

At the same time these messages are filtered through an electronic device whether that screen is a cell phone or laptop computer.

This additional barrier is how we engage in many conversations.    It is socially acceptable and the norm.  This will not change.

But for those of us you who are parents today, you also know this is a departure from how you grew up and were raised.  There is no history or precedent to fall back on.

So, you are the pioneers with your kids on cell phone etiquette and their respecting you.

So the statement, “it is a different world today raising young children”, has never been more apt or true.

While we are literally a finger tip away from having electronic contact with another, we also need to make sure the message sent was actually heard with its proper intent.  Having a conversation face to face is not the same as typing one out on a keyboard.

What happens when your son or daughter does not reply to your message to return your call? Or, come home? Or, let you know that an errand, task, or chore was completed?

Be careful not to level the playing field in cell phone banter and reduce your authority.

A teen’s cell phone should be a privilege not expected upon reaching a double digit age.    Have you thought about how you will handle such moments?

You need to plan ahead, as it will be up to you to explain, set the rules and then follow through with the appropriate consequence if and when that time occurs.

Till Next Time

Andrea

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

Texting may be the fastest, most streamline, and no frills way to reach someone, but it doesn’t always mean the message sent ends up to be the one received.    Too often, a simple one or two word response can be interpreted in different ways.

Hard to believe such a feat could occur.   Yet, the message inside the texting can be misunderstood.  

So the next time, someone writes “ yeah” or “sure”, don’t assume you know what they mean,  If you are not 100% certain, you better check it out.

Call that person and listen to the tone in his or her voice.  What do you hear?

Does this person sound warm and confirming or annoyed and sarcastic?

In the above example, each word could express an entirely different meaning depending on who sent it, why it was sent at that moment in time, plus the sender’s mood and intentions.

The moral here is to be careful.  Otherwise, you might create a misperception for yourself based on reading words and not knowing what feelings drove the text.

Last, don’t forget to consider your relationship to that person as that could also be very telling.

Till Next Time

Andrea

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

F Fix your mind on helping your child enjoy his or her sporting experience.

U Understand this sport is what you child enjoys.  Be on the sidelines to offer cheers and support.

N No matter what, be constructive in your praise. This is your child’s time, not yours.

??

?

What is the one area of self-improvement you would like to create for yourself in 2011?

Are you ready and willing to say to yourself, I want to make this change?

Do you have faith in yourself?  Can you envision yourself achieving this transformation?

In order to succeed, you first need to believe.

Making a personal change is not easy, but it isn’t impossible either.

Pick something fairly easy at first, that you feel you can master.

Try not to set yourself up by expecting to make a change that is unrealistic.

In order to make the effort, you must be mindful and think about what you are going to do differently.

You will also need to show determination and not give up.

Sometimes it is hard to sustain will power, but as long as you don’t give in to won’t or can’t power and are patient and supportive, you are headed in the right direction to accomplish your goal.

Till Next Time

Andrea

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

Rather than complain, why not reclaim this time for yourself!

Would you like to score points in your relationship with your guy?   Can you let him watch the college bowl games and the upcoming NFL playoffs without giving him a hard time?

Football season will be ending soon.   Certainly, his total fascination could leave you feeling ignored or neglected.  And, feeling hurt would be understandable.

No one likes to feel displaced. But, how about looking at this situation differently?   There is another perspective you could try.  And, that would be, to focus on making yourself happy this time of year, rather than narrowing your attention to his unavailability

Choose to use this time to engage in some activity or learn something that appeals to you. Can you shift your focus?  Try treating yourself kindly.  It will

certainly feel better than remaining hurt or angry.

And, if you can figure out something you will enjoy doing, not only will you be taking charge and showing healthy

independence; but you may surprise yourself by finding a hobby that becomes fulfilling or a creative talent that was lying dormant.

Till Next Time

Andrea

www.DrAndreaCorn.com

How long is your holiday shopping list this year?

Is it larger than you had hoped for?

Are you starting to feel the stress of what lies ahead despite your good intentions of wanting to be generous and thoughtful?

Despite your desire to be kind-hearted, if you find yourself feeling frazzled, tense, and worried about everyone else, then perhaps you are neglecting your own emotional needs.

Certainly, it is a joy to give to others, but don’t forget to find time to take care of yourself as well.

Till Next Time

Dr Andrea Corn

http://www.drandreacorn.com/

The Best Gift of All

One of the factors that could hold you back in your life is allowing negative, judgmental, and/or critical self-talk to out of your heart’s desire or dream.

This holiday season, here is a personal gift suggestion.  In fact, it is one that is priceless.

And, that is giving yourself the gift of being kind and considerate to yourself.

If you can do this with honesty, sincerity, and truthfulness, you will be giving yourself a present that can be comforting and uplifting to your spirit in the coming year.

No present will be as valuable, enduring, or offering peace of mind as self-acceptance.

Till Next Time

Dr Andrea Corn

http://www.drandreacorn.com/

Where have most of the good manners gone?

A long time ago  (I believe) civility reigned.  Good manners were the norm, and children and adults participated in these daily rituals of being courteous to one another. 

 Saying “please” and  “thank you” or even “I’m sorry, while meaning it and looking that person in the eye occurred. 

I am saying this because those moments seem more distant and far away.   

I can’t pinpoint when it started to change or all the numerous factors that contributed to the decline, but what I see when I am in department stores, supermarkets, restaurants, sporting events, etc., makes me take notice and wonder.

I believe in the value and importance of good manners. 

 So, I’ll ask, “what can be done to re-kindle and raise awareness?”   

I’ll give my shout out to grandparents, parents, and adults to please take the lead. 

You can set the example by taking the time to display kindness, 

respect, and an under

standing to others that you would also like shown to you.   

Till Next Time

Andrea

www.DrAndreaCorn.com