It's important for kids to develop athletic skills, but it's critical for them to learn how to behave on the field and off. By Emily Haft Bloom
At my son Charlie's soccer game recently, I witnessed a classic example of poor sportsmanship: My son's team was losing by a landslide, and their opponents were gloat ing. They were visibly high-fiving each other whenever they scored and loudly making fun of one of Charlie's team mates, who had kicked the ball in the wrong direction.
As I watched these swaggering lD-year-olds, I wondered whether the kids on my son's team would have behaved simi larly if they'd been winning big. I decided to talk to Charlie that night about the importance of being a good sport.
During the preteen years, playing competitive sports isn't just fun and games, as it was when our children were in the
PARENTS NOVEMBER 2003 279
anxiety for young athletes. Be careful not to make too big a deal over a win or loss. "If you do a game post mortem in the car on the way home, keep the focus on the positive," says Darrell Burnett, Ph.D., a psychologist in Laguna Niguel, California, who specializes in youth sports. "Make a few observations about the awesome pass a player made or the great save by a goalie. And make sure to congratulate your child for her efforts." Be careful not to overdo it, though; kids [.,:now when your praise isn't genuine.
• While it's nat ural to want to win, kids should realize that being com petitive and making a good effort are just as important. You can drive this message home by not immediately asking the score when your child comes in from the bas ketball game. "Instead, ask her how she and her team mates played," suggests Tina Syer, director of partner programs at Positive Coaching Alliance at Stanford University. The way you frame the question shows you're interested in performance, not just end results. • In addition to helping children prac tice their game and build their skills, parents should also talk to their kids about what it means to be a good sport. Tell them it's critical to always play fairly and obey the rules of the game. Emphasize the importance of treat ing coaches, officials, teammates, and opponents with
respect. If you see your child-or his team
mates-gloating over a victory or belittling an opponent, point out why that behavior is unacceptable. Remind your child, gently, how embarrassed he was the last time he struck out or how bad his team felt when it was repeatedly defeated last season. "It's sometimes easier for kids to be good sports \ovhen they lose than it is when they \ovin," Dr. Burnett says. "They need help learning how
to be gracious winners."
By guiding children toward good sports
manship, you'll ensure that they benefit fro'm the important lessons of the playing field. "Youth SPOlts teach kids respect for authOlity.
the value of teamwork, and the impOltance 01
practice," Dr. Corn says. Learnina these invaluable concepts now will help your child navigate the rocky path through adolescence and beyond. 0
peewee leagues. Performing well becomes increasingly important as athletics take on a more serious tenor. "Kids know the goal is to win, but they have to be taught to be resilient if they lose-and that's not always easy," says Andrea Com, PsyD., a child and family psycholo gist in Fort Lauderdale. 'What's more, peer-conscious preteens begin comparing their performance \ovith others' and are capable of a \ovide range of emotions, from great plide to deep humiliation, she says.
That's why this is an ideal time to make sure kids learn the lessons of good sportsmanship. Here's what ex-perts say you can do to help.
• "Parents are the biggest influence on their children's attitudes," says George Selleck, Ph.D., author of Raising a Good Sport in an In-Your Face World. 'We teach kids how to behave by behaving well ourselves." So be aware that your actions-and your words:--at your child's games speak volumes:
Never delide a referee's bad call or publicly question the coach's decision to leave a weal( pitcher on the mound; if your child or a teammate strikes out or misses an easy shot, don't express frustration-or cheer if it's the oppo nent that misses. "If kids see adults acting this way, they assume that's acceptable hehavior," Dr. Selleck says.
| • |
I |
Some parents take youth |
POIts more seriously than their kids do, and that creates
boosti ng a benchwarmer's esteem
Does your son spend more time on the bench than on the ball field? Has your daughter been cut from the elite traveling team? Here's how to make sure your child knows she's an MVP in your book.
• Point out that her participation in sports is just a small part of who she is. Remind her of off-the-field accomplishments, such as the great job she did on a school project or the leading role she got in the school play.
• Discourage your child from comparing himself with other players. Instead, emphasize his improvement from last year, when he couldn't catch a pop fly or swim the butterfly stroke. Point out that in another year, he will have honed his skills even more.
• Help her develop a specific aspect of her game. If she's not a home-run hitter. work on her bunting. If her backhand is weak, help her beef up her serve. Confidence in one aspect of her performance will make her feel better about the sport.
280 NOVEMBER 2003 PARENTS
