DEEP BREATH, PLEASE
HELPING YOUR CHILD conquer pre-game jitters and stress.
by DR. ANDREA CORN
Ever wonder what causes kids to get so stressed before a game'? In a nutshell, it may have to do with having unrealistic thoughts and expectations about their athletic performance. Many kids can become overly anx ious to the point where they're convinced their athletic performance is not good enough.
The remedy may be as simple as explaining to your children that being nervous before a game is normal and following up with some positive rein forcement. Some kind words and a pat on the back can go a long way to easing the fears of a young athlete.
But sometimes even this is not enough. Kids are still going to be preoccupied with the next game, regardless of what you do. Many children can cre-
~:lte fears that seem real when they believe their performance level may never satisfy their parents or coaches. This happens whether the fear is real or perceived.
As a parent, remind you children that sports is just a game and that they are loved regardless of how they play. If they don't feel this, their emo tions could lead to self-doubt, inferiority com
plexes and bouts of inadequacy that transcend the playing field.
For example, your child will need special attention if he or she says, "I must do well in this sport" and associates this with "I know you will be upset with me if I don't do well." It is the word "must" that gives these statements a compulsive quality and creates anxious apprehension.
If your children are expressing something even remotely similar, chances are their anxiety level is already starting to build. When this happens, their athletic performance will slip.
himself, "I will give it my best shot, and that is all I can do." Once they internalize this statement, it will become a foundation for confidence and trust.
On the other hand, if your child starts to per sonalize mistakes and blames himself for situ ations beyond his con trol, he may start to look for ways to avoid playing (stomach aches, headaches, etc.).
The fear of disap proval and/ or failure arises because too many kids focus on winning and losing. Therefore, it's impor tant to shift or broaden
your child's perspective to a more realistic and attainable goal. Tell them to have fun, try their best and improve with each game.
Ideally, you want to see your chil dren having fun with sports. When this happens, they receive the best
reward of all: having a love of the game. If your child is instilled with the idea that winning is all that matters there's a greater likelihood they'll display sports anxiety.
To avoid stress, make your child's sports expectations realistic.
CALMING THE SITUATION
The first step in helping your child overcome these fears is to become a good listener. Talk to your children and see how they're feeling. And show them how to talk silently and supportively to themselves as a way to fill their minds with positive reinforcements.
~ For example, if your child tells you he or she is worried about missing too many shots, suggest that he quietly says to
Andrea Corn, Psy.D., is in private practice at Child and Family Psychologists in Plantation, Fla. She is a member of the American Psychological Association, the Florida Psychological Association and the National Association of Sports Psychologists.
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