lderful to be a giving, go-to people-pleaser. But if you ently put other people's feelings and needs ahead of your IU'U never achieve your own goals. Master the art of "no"

dng the following tactful and effective "no-can-do" strategies.

lIest: Your best friend announces she's coming to stay with you this

, but - eek! - you're swamped!

Isal: Explain that you want to see her, too, and that you hate saying the timing is off and you just can't accommodate guests now. Then ­ is the most important part - listen to the feelings she expresses in mse and sympathize. Something like, "I'm so sorry to disappoint you" lll, suggests Andrea Corn, an adjunct professor of sports psychology Jmas University in Miami. "Really good friends realize they can't get

everything they want when they want

it," assures Com. Tempted to relent?

Just remind yourself of

the consequences

of giving in (resent­ ment, exhaustion, not

getting the bedroom painted? etc.) .

• Request: Your teenager

wants to drive around with his friends at night, unchaperoned.

XRefusal: Calmly and kindly cite the reasons why you don't think he is ready for this privilege. Junior will predictably counter that he can drive as well as Mario Andretti and that ymrr safety concerns are unfounded. Here's your comeback: "I know this seems unfair. I could be wrong. But I'm your parent

and it is my job to safeguard your welfare. If anything ever happened to you, I would never forgive myself" Kids can handle disappointment from their parents as long as they feel loved and respected by them, assures Stanley Goldstein, Ph.D., author of Troubled Children I Troubled Parents.

.Request: The boss asks you to work this weekend.

XRefusal: Never say "no" to a boss! . Instead, investigate and negotiate ..

Find out exactly what your boss needs and what is involved. Do you need to be on-site Saturday or could you do the project on weekday evenings? Always show goodwill,

"\and if you can't oblige the specific request, offer a solution to help your superior achieve her objective. If you routinely find yourself turning down a boss, it's time to renegotiate the parameters of your job or to find another one.

.Request: Another school mom begs you to take over the soccer car pooL

XRefusal: Cite a prior pronrise with the explanation that it must be honored or another person (your husband, boss, etc.) "will kill me." Then, soften the blow with a peace offering, such as a promise to pack snacks, chaperone or coach in the future. "11le real key is communication and goodwill," advises Corn.

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