A CHILD YOU LOVE HAS AN INTEREST THAT MAKES YOU UNEASY. HOW DO' YOU STAY CONNECTED? TAP INTO THESE CREATIVE WAYS TO FIND COMMON GROUND.
Dear Dr. Corn: I'm worried that my 8-year-old niece is too preoccupied with ~er appearance and the clothes she wears. I don't recall myself or my sister, a single mom, being so concerned with fashion at such a young age. This topic enters most of our conversations, and it wor ries me that this subject has become so all-consuming. I know my sister and niece enjoy watching entertainment shows devoted to fashion and all the latest trends. i care about my niece as if she is my own child and her over all development is very important to me. When we are together, I try to redirect her attention to something more educational, but I've had little success and she resists my suggestions. My sister says their TV time allows them to relax and enjoy some quality time together. Still, I wonder if she is inadvertently setting the wrong example.
Your heart is in the right place. But even with your good intentions, can you accept that your sister and niece have bonded over a subject that may not hold much interest for you? Your goal should be to support and cultivate any enjoyment for learning rather than potentially run the risk
of alienating your sister's child. Even if being in the know about the latest fashion styles isn't your style, don't let that deter you from showing your enthusiasm since this subject matter is so special and meaningful to your niece.
Teach by example
Remember, your niece is young and impressibn able and growing up in an era where image can dominate the headlines over substance. Since you
82 SOUTH FLORIDA PARENTING· www.sfparenting.com
want to be an important and positive influence in her life, the best way to teach her values meaning ful to you will be through the example you set and how you live your life.
n doesn't appear that it has reached the point where you must speak to your sister. If you see a decline in your niece's grades or something else that truly stands out as a negative, that might be a warning sign for sharing your thoughts. However, if you decide to discuss this topic, make sure your concerns are expressed in a nonjudgrnental way. Otherwise this talk will be nonproductive and only cause hurt feelings. Your comments might be heard
as insensitive and derogatory. If your sister becomes hurt or angered by your remarks, acknowledge her feelings and let her know that your intentions were well meaning. You need to guard against seem ing condescending.
Support her interests
Since your niece is mesmerized by fash" ion, consider deepening her interest by gathering library books and magazines on the world of fashion to study and read.
If you have the time and resources, per haps you can emoH her in after-school activities and allow he~ the opportunity to expand this talent. She might attend creative writing classes or drawing, sew ing, or even photography classes. Reading a fashion magazine together could be a rewarding activity, as you might find new words to expand her vocabulary.
If you can guide her to be self-moti vated, she'll learn to enjoy the pursuit of learning for the pleasure, satisfaction and personal fuifillrrrent it brings into her life. Plus, possessing that kind of attitude can carryover and positively impact her aca demic achievement too.
By your encouraging her to pursue her passion; you are serving as a catalyst to broaden her horizons. After all, you never know how this may playa role in her future. What if this becomes the path she takes for a rewarding career? Whether it
is just a passing phase or a long-lasting hobby, you can take heart in knovving 'you were instrumental in allowing her to follow her dream. More importantly, you want to give the message that she is loved for being herself; regardless of whether the two of you share the same interest. You may be surprised to find you can have a very positive influence on her educational development simply by supporting and paying aLtention to her likes as well as helping nurture her budding talent.
Dr. Andrea Corn is a child and family psycholo gist in private practice in South Florida. She is a member of the Association for the Advance ment of Sports Psychologists.
-
Birth-Elementary Private School • Uniforms
-
Computers & Learning Centers • (Se Nabla Espaiiol)
• Security Camera Monitored' Mon-Fri 7:30a.m.-6p.m.
| • Elementary School Preparation |
• Licensed & Insured |
Ollr d,ildrclI wilf he tilllght
We Olfer and Instill; Dai(v /Jibl. Srudy Weekend Leadership C"mp Military f)rills ~~wt? Gifled&.F.~F. Programs
| IAUKELl\! |
|
(,h'~'III& EtiqllC!ffe |
CHIUST1AN 1-20 Teac!ter-!>iudelltratilJ
| "'UU'l~'Ut v |
K2-121!t Grane |
| Aol' lJE.\-£Y |
CO-ED ('It:1S$l!s |
Sports ChrilJlicuJ curriCU!llln
. We ""cepl M,'Kt(V, Opporlutli~I' Sclwots tll1d F/oridu,PRllJ£ Scholurships
Our l'isiJ our websfJe Ill:
WWWAUKELAEAGLES.COM
*Employment Opportunities Available
JANUARY 2007 • SOUTH FLORIDA PARENTING 83
