PARENTS CAN HELP EASE KIDS' NERVES DURING FeAT TIME
Dear Dr. Corn: As the date of the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test (FCAT) approaches, my husband and I have noticed our daughter becoming increasingly anx ious. Several weeks ago, she was close to tears when she blurted out she fears taking this ~xam and worried her test score will disappoint us. She's in third grade, and says she worries that she will not pass and will be held back as a consequence. We had no idea these thoughts were in her head. Our conversation occurred
after I had pointed out several mistakes on a homework paper. At her late5t school Gonference, her teac:hlH told us she is doing very well and anticipates her displ!lying similar results on this statewide exam. Even after shar-
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ing this information with her, it did not seem to make a difference. With all the heightened attention given to the FCAT, our words couldn't lift her spirits. We are con cerned and want to help diminish her doubts before tak ing the exam. What advice can you offer US?
Even at this late date, there is much you can do to change your daughter's perspective. In everyone's desire to inspire academic proficiency, perhaps not enough attention has been paid to talking about the pressures children feel in preparing for the state's competency exam.
Shift your attention to her display of acquired knowledge and praise her for what she knows. H~r doubts stem from believing every critical comment heard at home and in school is proof of not being smart enough. Right now she needs her self esteem built up so she can trust in her capabilities. Your daughter's fears and anxiety are overshadow ing reality.
Your third-grader needs to hear that apprehen sion is understandable and not a sign of lesser intel ligence. I'm sure she's heard at school that children must pass in order to move on to fourth grade. That is true, but most children who are in danger of repeating third grade are already in special classes and their parents are well aware that they might need to repeat the grade. T};1is is not an issue for your daughter, and she needs to know that.
Having some anxiety in a testing situation can be beneficial as it can heighten concentration and per formance. Your daughter doesn't realize these unoomfortable feelings oan be stopped from spiral ing out of control and interfering with her test-tak ing performance. Share with her times when you
experienced anxiety in similar situations so she knows her feelings are quite normal.
Another way to help her acquire greater control 'will be to teach her to erase an upsetting thought in her head and replace it with a supportive statement. You can demonstrate how to use positive self-talk and then practice this exercise together. This way she can silently support herself during the exam when faced with a diffi cult question. For instance, she could say to herself "I know this is hard, but I will do my best to solve the problem." Right now, she's more attuned to thinking about her mistakes.
Help your child to understand that all you expect is for her to give her best effort. Children often feel insecure and inadequate if they think they haven't lived up to their parent's expectations. As her uncertainties subside, she will find greater e~otional and ~ental freedom plus renewed confidence to demonstrate the verbal and math skills she has
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acquired over tlle course of the school year.
She needs to hear repeated reassur ances that she is loved and admired unconditionally. Make sure your voice tone and facial expressions are genuine and convey sincerity. Your daughter.is sensitive and keenly attentive to how you look and sound w~en discussing school and homework. She wants and needs your approval, but it must be given gen uinely and not gratuitously. Accentuate ilie positive by providing boili verbal praise (I'm really proud of you for trying so hard ... ) and nonverbal support (a smile, a hug, a high five). Make your words positive reinforcements. Over time she will learn tGfreplace the negative comments circulating inside her head with your supportive stlltements. As your words become assimilated and internal ized she will begip. to feel differently about herself.
Another approach is to reframe mis-
takes as a necessary part of ilie edu;cation al process. That is how everyone learns in school and throughout life. It is critically important she learns to tolerate discom fort and handle adversity. By your model ing patience and persistence you will teach her a valuable lesson iliat she will carrY wiili her throughout her life.
Finally, remind her how well she has. prepared all year to take this exam. By changing your approach and perhaps let ting go of any unrealistic expectations, you can help your daughter reduce feel ings of inferiority, as well as develop greater confidence and the desire to suc ceed. Then she will no longer view the FCAT with apprehension and dread.
Dr. Andrea Corn is a child and family psycholo gist in private practice. She is a member of
the American Psychological Association and the Association for the Advancement
of Sports Psychologists.
* Build self-esteem
* Learn to adhere to social norms * Develop organizational skills
'* Develop life coping skills
* Control impulsivity
* Learn to follow instructions * Work within a time frame * Shar-pen academic skills
* Think through consequences of actions
* Apply learned skills into home
KENTWOOD PREPARATORY SCHOOL
PALM BEACH (561) 649-6141 .0 BROWARD (954) 570-6077
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