HEALTH

LET'S TALK Self-centered kin spreading misery

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Q: My sister's daughter was extremely spoiled when she was growing up and she is now in her mid­ 40's. After reading arti­ cles on narcissistic behav­ ior, we're certain that's her problem. However, she is making life misera­ ble for my sister. her hus-

band, and others. What kind of help or therapy can benefit someone like her who won't admit she's ever wrong.

A: It's often someone else who reaches out for guidance. Certainly, your desire to help signals the distress felt throughout the entire family. You describe a pattern beginning in childhood where your niece was overindulged. Because she was not held accountable for her actions, she did not learn to be personally responsible for her behavior. Instead, the burden was shifted onto someone else. The problem today is that this pattern is so Ingrained it has become a part of who she is. Conse­ quently, she is accu~tomed to getting her way, or else she reacts in ways so her demands are met - begrudgingly. This is bound to create problems in relationships, intimate or otherwise.

There are several things to do, First, continue to expand your knowiedge of narcissistic behavior. Sometimes family members consult a therapist to learn appropriate ways of handling their own reactions to the arrogance and self­ importance exhibited. if your niece is will­ Ing to discuss this matter and share her thoughts regarding why relationships wind up being problematic, then make yourself available. It is likely your niece may appear unaware of her own shortcomings. If so, you may hear her blaming others, empha­ sizing what they have done to her rather than how she conducted herself.

It will help if you can listen without being judgmental. Even if you disagree, she may feel better having the opportunity to express her feelings. Feelings aren·t right or wrong; but there are healthy and unhealthy ways of expressing them. Your caring states that you would like for her to feel less misunderstood, angry and hurt. Even if she accepts this premise, many obstacles remain. At some point, she could resent your interest and act defensively. Pervasive patterns are difficult to change unless there is a motivation to achieve a different outcome. Even if she doesn't appreciate your advice, don't despair. As

~ long as your suggestion is conveyed (and I streSS) In aFl empatnlc tasnlon, she may be touched by your sincerity.

Dr. Andrea Corn is a licensed psycholo­ gist in Lighthouse Point. Write to her at cornpsyd@bellsouthnetorc/o Desonta Holder. 1 Herald Plaza, Miami FL 33j732.

DR. ANDREA CORN

JOCK DOC

CRUNCH IS COMING:

Turf toe is a common injury particu­ larly in football players who play on artificial surfaces.

Turf toe's mighty painful - but easily treated

Q: What is a turf-toe and how do I know if I have one?

A: A hyperex­ tension injury to the great toe at the level of the meta­ t~rsal phalangeal joint can result in

-disruption of the ligaments and a bone contusion !mown as turf toe.

This is a commo,n injury particu­ larly in football players who play on artificial surfaces, hence the name

turf toe. The injury results in signif­ icant pain and swelling as well as stiffness of the main joint of the big toe. Treatment usually involves a period of immobilization in a cast or brace followed by rehabilitation and specially made orthotic "foot insoles," Depending on the severity of the condition, an injury to this joint can get better in anywhere from a couple of days, to a couple of months.

Repeated injuries to the great toe can result in permanent stiffness, loss of motion and early arthritic changes.

Q: When is it safe to play sports with the flu or a fever?

A: I addressed this question to D~. Ed Neff, who is the cardiologist/in­ ternist for the Miami Heat. Dr. Neff recommends that an athlete should not play sports until the fever, the muscle aches and fatigue are gone. He also stresses the importance of proper hydration and fluid replace­ ment.

Dr. Harlan Selesnick is the Miami Heat physician. Write to him at jock doc69@aol.com or c/o Desonta Holder, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami FL 33132.

DOCTORG

Bladder's causing some close ~alls in public

Q: I am only 38 and I can't make it through a movie or TV show without running to the bathroom a few

dr®: an embarrassing close calls, if you know what I mean. Is there something wrong with my bladder?

A: Frequency of urination and the intense urgency can lead to embarrassing situations and even episodes of wetting yourself. Fear of leaving water trails on the floor of the mall has driven many women to memorize the location of virtu­ ally every bathroom in the neigh­ borhood.

Almost 17 million Americans suf­ fer from what is !mown as overac­ tive bladder. This describes women (and also some men) who need to race to the restroom day and night with a pressing urgency that can even be intense enough to cause an accident. What do you do when nature calls and calls and calls? One simple solution may be to think about your caffeine, water and liquor intake. For many people spicy foods can even aggravate their bladder. Be sure there are no signs of infection like burning, blccdinS or a bad odor to the urine as these symptoms require a doctor visit.

In the extreme, some women may experience a chronic condition of bladder pain known as cystitis that can truly be disabling. After

you have tried to make changes in your diet and fluids, consider per­ forming simple Kegel exercises to help maintain and improve bladder muscle control. Simply put, you can strengthen your bladder muscle by performing "muscle squeezing" of your bladder control muscle. You can begin practicing by stopping and starting your urinary stream in the bathroom. If all else fails, your physician may want to prescribe a medication that can slow down the strength of your bladder contrac­ tion and this can help to decrease the chance of you running out of the movie at just the wrong time.

Dr. Marc Gittelman is a board certified urologist. Write to him at DrMarcGittelman@yahoo.com or

c/o Desonta Holder, 1 Herald Plaza,