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LET'S TALK Grandparents bad-mouth her ex

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G: I have been divorced for one year. I am trying to reconcile some issues with my ex husband and am careful not to air our discussions in front of our children (ages 7-and 10).

My parents can't show the same restraint. My kids come to me upset.

A: At least you understand it is detri mental to put your children in the middle of any divorce related conflicts. Sadly, it sounds like your parents are too preoccu pied with their feelings to take their grand children's emotional and mental well being into account. If your parents don't develop better emotional boundaries, your children are going to resent their remarks. Over time, this may undermine their rela tionship.

Even well-meaning grandparents may make negative comments that create , ange'r. sadness and confusion. No child wants to hear their parent bad-mouthed. Furthermore, whatever conversation they overhear or were exposed to, the issues frequently revoive around visitation and child support. You need to acknowledge feeling badly they are caught in the middie of your problems. And, also reassure and remind them they are not the cause. Instead. it will be up to you and their father to try and negotiate a workable solution, Otherwise, the court can impose one that fits the best interest of the children.

You are fortunate your children are able to share their bad feelings with you rather than keep them hidden. Sometimes chil dren are too afraid to reveal what is on I their minds out of fear of making matters worse. Frequently. this creates more uncertainty for them Since children have no way of knowing if what they heard was realistic or distorted. It is understandable your children may feel torn and upset with their grandparents (and their father). By telling you, they no longer have to carry this burden. They are relying on you to dis cuss their concerns on their behalf.

You need to have a frank talk with your parents. Be sure to speak calmly, asser tively, but without sarcasm. Otherwise, you may end up in an argument that does not address the real Issue. All you want to do is help your parents put aside what bothers them while taking care of your cllildren. Your parents need to understand your children are innocent and cannot be burdened by what has tron~pirod. Your parent's are entitled to their thoughts and feelings, but so are your children, no mat ter how Similar or dissimilar their views are,

Dr. Andrea Corn is a licensed psycholo gist In Lighthouse Point. Write to her al cornpsyd@bellsouth.netorc/o Health. 1 Herald Plaza, Miami FL 33132.

DR. ANDREA CORN

@b~~rS~~~~net

HEALTH

THE JOCK DOC

Runner's painful heel won't let up

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RAUL RUBIERA/HERAlD FILE ROSY OUTLOOK: Athletes with plantar fasciitis usually can continue running during their treatment period.

Q: I am a 35-year-old runner who averages jive miles,four days a week. Over the past few months, my heel has become very sore after I run. It's worse when I wake up in the morning and it's really stiff and sore until I take a hot shower. It has now begun to bother me every day in the morning and not just on the days after I run. I don't know whether I should stop running and

whom I should see.

A: Although runners may have overuse injuries that can result in micro fractures of the bone, known as stress fractures, it's not likely that this is your diagnosis. Athletes with stress fractures usu ally have pain that worsens during the run. It's more likely you have plantar fasciitis.

The plantar fascia is a thick fibrous band of tis sue that forms the arch of your foot. Where the arch begins is usually under a great deal of stress and when it becomes inflamed it can be very slow to heal. This inflammation is plantar fasciitis.

A variety of treatments include anti inflammatory medication, physical therapy, stretching exercises, night splints and injections. Shoe inserts. such as heel cups and molded orthot ics, may be helpful as well.

The vast majority of case respond to nonsurgi cal treatment and you usually can continue run ning during the treatment period.

I recommend you see an orthopedic surgeon or podiatric foot specialist to help confirm the diagno sis and initiate treatment.

Dr. Harlan Selesnick is the Miami Heat physician.

Write to him at jockdoc69@aol.com or c/o Health, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami FL 33132.

DR. HARLAN SELESNICK

Joc:kdoc69 @ao!.com

DOCTORG

Urinary woes a sign of enlarged prostate

Q: I am waking up two-three times at night and occa sionally having dif jiculty starting my urinary stream. Is this normal for a 49-year-old man? A: You are likely experiencing the

early stages of enlarging prostate. It is actually one of the most common medical condi tions for men. Statistics show that 50 percent of men at the age of 50 and 90 percent of men at the age of 80 will have an et'l1arged prostate, a condition your physician may call BPH. Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia. Because an enlarged prostate is such a common problem, many experts consider it part of the aging process.

It·s very important to recognize that an enlarged prostate is a totally separate process from prostate can-

cer. Many prostate cancer patients have no urinary symptoms and cli nicians suspect the diagnosis based on a rectal exam or PSA - a blood test that can help to determine whether you should have further testing to evaluate for prostate can cer.

Symptoms of enlarging prostate typically include difficulty initiating the urinary stream, a slow stream, a sense of incomplete voiding, and frequency and urgency of urination. The most troublesome symptom is typically waking at night two or more times and some men may actually awaken more than four times to void. One of the most embarrassing signs is having a minor amount of urinary leakage or dribbling within the first few sec onds or minutes after voiding. In a worst-case scenario men may be totally unable to void, an emer gency condition called acute uri nary retention.

The good news is that these symptoms are not life threatening. Patients can avoid developing uri nary complications by seeing their doctors so that they can be diag nosed, treated appropriately and monitored. It's a key message: Men need to overcome any fear or embarrassment they may have and tell their doctors about their con cerns. We have many treatment options including medications, laser therapy, thermotherapy, and surgery for extreme situations. There are many medicines avail able to your clinician that can "relax" the prostate or "shrink" the prostate. These strategies may help to reduce your symptoms and make it less likely for you to have severe urinary consequences in the future.

Dr. Marc Gittelman is a board certified urologist. Write to him at DrMarcGittelman@yahoo.com or c/o Health, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami FL33132.